Tuning Out Noise

Lately, I've felt like the world has been a little loud. The internet has been a little untruthful. Social media has been a little unkind. The boxes we post the pictures in have been a little fake.

It's all just gotten to me... a little bit.

My husband travels a lot for work and I find myself doing the hands on parenting solo. Truth be known I am fine with this, it works for us and we are all thriving and doing well (just incase anyone was worried.) The thing that is constantly drawn to my attention, is that I am the north star for our little boy that we brought into this world. That responsibility is huge. HUGE. I wonder everyday if I loved him enough, if I feed him enough, if I taught him enough, if I showed him enough. If I'm having a particularly rough day, my ego can get in the way and play all kinds of head games with me, erring on the side of inadequacy. And that just really is not my favourite.

But then, I remember this little quote I read years ago and I don't even know who said it. It makes sense to me, and perhaps it makes sense to you too- apply it however you see fit.

"Sometimes you just have to stop listening to the static at your door and be the parent." 

When I make this my focus, everything becomes a whole lot clearer. Clarity comes and things make sense. We operate from a place of love over here.

There is always going to be noise, always. Sometimes it's going to feel really uninvited. Tune it out.

You know what you need. You sure as hell now what you babies need.

There is power in your presence. There is power in your home. There is power in the world you are creating. There is power in the little humans you've been trusted to raise. Tune out the static and do life the best you know how. For me, it makes so much sense to replace fear with love. In my quiet, this is what always speaks to me.

This is my truth. Feel free to borrow it until you find what resonates with you.

Ditching the Afternoon Nap

It's been just over six weeks since we moved back into our little house and with that move has come a lot of transitions.

One of the most notable is the sleep routine we've recently adopted for the boss of the house (aka- Andy, our adorable two and a half year old). I wrote about transitioning from co-sleeping to getting him into his own big boy bed here if you want to have a read about the system we used. It worked really well for us and found that we encountered a really peaceful transition from having him in our bed to moving to his own bed. He was napping really well during the day and getting down well at night and I felt like I was winning at life.

However, as with all every stage of parenting- things change. Bed time was becoming a complete nightmare leaving everyone in our house tired, cranky and a little perplexed as to what to do. So I did what any mother would do and I googled, grabbed parenting books, read all the things and then I dismayed even more and ultimately just did our own thing after working through the Mummy guilt that maybe it wasn't the right thing. You feel me?! I know you do. The sleep debate is a big one in Mummy land, and this here blog post is just my two cents worth. I am a big believer in every mother doing what is best for her babies and her family and I am a huge respecter of differences, no one is the same and there is no such thing as a one size fits all parenting approach. You do you, Mama.

Back to the nightmare that I was eager to turn into a peaceful daydream.

We ditched the nap.

No more naps during the day. Andy was napping so well during the day and then completely missing all the our sleeping goals at night time, we knew it was time for the naps to go. He was ready and there was't even a transition period. We just did it. Andy is getting exactly the same amount of sleep- it all occurs between the hours of 7:00pm- 7:00am and we all feel better for it.

This is what our evening routine looks like at the moment, it's a little different to the approach we adopted to get Andy into his big boy bed initially in terms of the way we communicate with him. Here's what an evening at our house looks like:

5:00pm- dinnertime
6:00pm- bathtime
6:30pm- bed time drink and quiet play outside of his bedroom
7:00pm- teeth and bed time
7:20pm- Andy is asleep and we do high kicks and laugh and laugh

Our bedtime entails one parent going into Andy's room with him. We read four books, pray together and put on his oceanic sounds machine. Then whoever is doing bed time will lie down with Andy until he falls asleep. During this time we usually have a little chat about our day and talk about the things that we want to do tomorrow. We take a little moment to give Andy some affirmations about what he did really well during the day after which there is no more talking and Andy drifts off to sleep. The whole process takes about 15 minutes and for us it's been fantastic. We really cherish that quiet time with Andy to just be still and reflect. We have really fun and jam packed days with a lot of adventures, it's nice to take the quiet time and remember all the fun we've had and I like to think it makes for happy dreams.

And that's how we ditched the afternoon nap! He's officially a big boy now.

Happy parenting to you all!

Toddler Star Chart

Being a mother of a toddler is like drinking from a fire hydrant.

 It's full on, all of the time. There we go, I said it. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that. Some days are great. We laugh and we play the whole time, nap times happen with ease and we eat everything on our plate. On those days I feel like Mary Poppins status is completely achievable. On other days we ride somewhat of an emotional roller coaster and I find myself white knuckling the side of my seat and holding on for dear life. #honestmotherhood

What I am learning in this first time mother gig of mine is that my child really loves a routine. He also loves a reward and a little bit of a fuss made over him. That being said, on some days he doesn't want any of these things, none of them. It's that darned roller coaster again. We tend to just go with the flow over here.

Enter the star chart- it's not always a winner, and sometimes we both go a whole week without even caring about it. But when we both stick to it and we both feel like we are achieving something together our mother/son universe seems to run a little smoother. Yatzi!

Generally speaking, we like it- and I thought that you and your littles might like it too. So I made a gender neutral version with no name on it for you to print and use at your parenting leisure.

Happily Navigating Parenthood While Your Partner is Away

We are one week into a two month stint which has our husband/ Daddy away from us for the majority of the time. He will be stopping back every now and then and we have the added bonus of having Easter and Anzac Day holidays during this time period.

While my husband and I are not strangers to this travel and work away gig, our little man is, and I've got to tell you that this first week has been extremely tough on him (and us as parents seeing him struggle). He's old enough now to notice when things are different and change is something that takes a little getting used to.

Here are five things we have been doing this week that have really helped in navigating our way through parenting a toddler:

1. Talk about it a lot: Anytime my son asks me where Daddy is I tell him exactly what he is up to and exactly when he will be coming home. We talk about the plane and the hotel that Daddy is staying at. The taxi rides he takes, the companies he is auditing. What he ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Every detail I can give him, I do. He takes a minute to think about it and then he is generally ok with that. Making video contact with each other every day has been so important for us all to communicate with each other and remain "close" to what is happening in each others lives. It makes our toddler feel very safe and secure.

2. Keep busy with fun things: We tend to get out of the house quite a lot and I've made an effort to keep that up while my husband is away. We try and do something everyday that is fun and memorable. Whether it is swimming lessons, going to music, meeting up with friends, playing at the gym creche while mummy gets in a little break or going to the park- we make sure that we get out and we talk about it for the rest of the day. My toddler loves it when we make plans for the next day right before we go to bed. He loves to think about things. He also really enjoys reporting to Daddy all the things that we have been up to in his absence.

3. Do a little bit often: Because I don't have my husband around to help me pick up the slack I take 10 minute "blasts" here and there to do odd jobs. It's worked really well in keeping things like dishes and laundry from piling up, thus minimising my stress, and right now that is a really good thing. It's no secret that if Mum is stressed and not happy, no one else is! You're kids will be secretly thanking you for doing whatever helps manage those stress levels! It's better for everyone.

4. Be prepared for the upheaval: Don't take is personally or get upset when your child is taking out their frustration and confusion on you. They might just need a day to get over things and need a lot of hugs and crying sessions and that is absolutely fine. There will a a few things that are quite uncharacteristic to your child, but it's just their way of working through things and dealing with their worries. Don't get stressed about it, just stop and roll with it. Also be prepared for the fact that while you don't resent your partner there will be moments when you resent the situation.

5. Find your support people and use them: There is no shame in admitting that it takes a village. My village is not particularly large, but it is fine tuned and very understanding of me and my little family. The people in it get me and I honestly don't know how I got so lucky to have them all in it! They also know that I generally will not ask for anything, so they are on top of checking in. However, that being said- I am getting better at reaching out and I am feeling so much more grounded for it. Can I get a hallelujah?!

It's also really important to remember that you can do it. Everything is temporary and this too shall pass. Time is always moving, so make the most of the situation and have some fun together in the meantime. Embrace the different way you get to make memories and enjoy it.

Choose happy!

Photo credit: Pikaboo Photography by Kathy Stabler 

You + Me

You: have been sick over the past few days, and have been handling it like a champion. You aren't one to carry on like a pork chop. You do like to be cuddled and assured that everything will be alright. You have been loving the "imagination stories" we make up for you at bed time. You eagerly race to your pillow and put your little hand out to hold mine while you listen. You have a lot of creative differences with your Dad when he tells you those stories and you let him know. You are my best little friend and we do all the things together. You love to learn with me and I am enjoying our days together. 

Me: I am making a lot of health changes and am really enjoying the process. I have started mediating and am blown away as to how much positivity this daily practice has injected into my life. I am focused on being present and in responding instead of reacting. I have made a decision to not raise my voice over the past few weeks and am instead taking a moment to be mindful. Just little things- but they are really the big things. I am feeling more like "me" than I have in a long time and I am grateful for that. I am feeling grounded and I am feeling happy. 

Making the Toddler Co-sleeping Transition

Before I got pregnant, I had all of these preconceived notions as to what sort of parent I was going to be. Dreams of being this textbook mother that did everything to the letter, living in a motherhood world where my perfectionism could run riot. Turns out, that's actually not my parenting style. Not even in the slightest. Funny how things can change so quickly, especially when thrown in the thick of it. I love how this parenthood gig shines a very bright light on what kind of person we actually are, instead of being wrapped up in all of our ideals. Standing in that parenthood spotlight, I'm actually not much of a perfectionist, and as it turns out- I'm quite the earth mother. Who knew?

Initially I had not planned on co-sleeping. In fact the whole notion sort of scared me a little bit (enter the perfectionist textbook dream). I also tended to back away from the idea because of that big "controversial" word that often accompanied the idea of co-sleeping. Before I go on any further, I need to point out that this is a mummy shaming free zone. I believe that everyone needs to do what is right for them and their family without any judgement. Enough said.

For reasons that worked for us, co-sleeping evolved organically. I felt completely comfortable with it because for me it was a very natural thing to do. We did the research and made sure that we had a safe co-sleeping environment and we ran with it. Everyone in my household got better sleep, which was our main priority. That being said, this little set up of ours is not for everyone, and that is completely fine. Power to you Mumma's! Do what you need to do.

For 20 months we shared a family bed, until this arrangement just did not prove practical anymore. I read on a social media platform the other day that sleeping with a toddler is like sleeping with a drunk octopus trying to find its car keys. On all accounts, that little sentence is so very true. We knew it was time to transition into separate beds when we got home to Australia. We planned for it and had a strategic method of going about it, and it has worked a treat. We were probably ready to make the change at around 15 months, but because of our temporary stint in the UK we decided to wait until we were back home and had more stability going on in our lives.

For those who are co-sleepers out there and may find themselves in a similar boat I thought I would share with you the steps we took to make the transition a peaceful and enjoyable one.

You + Me

You: are the sweetest boy and so caring. You are loving visiting the playground and are quite adventurous when it come to the equipment. You love to do the grocery shopping and place items into the trolley. You are watching everything and copying things. You like to empty all the contents of the pantry into the front loading washing machine, you feel all kinds of accomplished when you do that and walk away quite pleased with yourself. You are walking and talking and changing everyday. You are cutting so many teeth like a boss. You love to sing along to the Red Hot Chili Peppers in the car. You are a light in my world.

Me: I'm packing like a maniac and sorting through what we need to take "home" with us. I'm stressed, nervous and anxious. I'm also excited, thrilled and so looking forward to getting back to our homeland. I ache for Australia regularly. The plane ride that awaits us has me planning strategically like I'm a member of MI5. I'm a bit of an emotional wreck at the moment but am keeping a lid on it. Who knew leaving England would have me feeling so torn like this?! I find so much daily peace and joy in mothering you.

18 Months Old

Our little boy turned 18 months old! Where, oh where did the time go? No, seriously- I mean it, someone tell me where the pause button is because I'm going to need it! To celebrate we went for a little stroll up to Donnington castle after church, because 18 months is a big deal, am I right?! I'm making it a thing. Plus, I think it's pretty cool that Andrew can look back at photos one day and just casually say "oh, that's me at 18 months old walking around a 14th century ruin." Huzzah!

We are so grateful for this boy of ours. He really does have a champion soul.

Happy 18 months, Andy. You light up our world in more ways than you will ever know!

^^ Yes, we wear matching beanies. It's completely fine. Don't even worry about it. 

A Mother's Prayer

Last night, I watched my baby sleep. I watched his mouth curl into a smile and I watched as tiny little chuckles rose from his innocent lips. In that moment I was happy. He was happy. All was quiet and we were safe. 

It was in the early hours of the morning when I pulled my little boy in close. He nestled in and wrapped his arms around my neck. I kissed his forehead and patted his back as he drifted in and out of dreaming. 

Then I offered a prayer. 

I prayed that my son may always be safe. I prayed that just as angels guard his dreams that they may also guard the world he has to grow up in. I prayed that faith in humanity may be restored. That we may find kindness, love and peace. I prayed that good may be bigger than evil. I prayed that fear would find it's place and that he wouldn't have to know a world of terror. I prayed that love would always win and that the innocence of children all over the world might be protected. I prayed that the adults might become brave enough to do this. I prayed that kindness may return. 

I asked to be open to guidance. I asked to know how to govern my son through a confusing world. I asked that my role in creating a world of love and peace might be clear. I asked that I might be unwavering in this crusade. 

Then I offered up gratitude. I offered up love. I offered up faith and I offered my heart. 

May we all find peace in troubled times. May we all find love and a shoulder to lean on. May we all find a place of innocence like my sons dreams and may laughter and happiness return to the world. 

This is my hope and this is my prayer. 

Travelling with a Baby

There is a lot of information out there about travelling with kids. I thought I'd add my two cents worth, if you're anything like me you research and talk to just about everyone you know about these types of things. Anything to make life easier and less stressful for you and baby, that's what I am all about. These are the things that worked for us on our recent trip from Australia to the United Kingdom. We had a layover in Dubai, all up our travel time was just over 30 hours. Our son is a one year old- it's a busy age and a very long time to be travelling.

^^ 8 pieces of luggage, two luggage trolleys, one stroller, one happy little world traveller, one hard core mama (hardcore daddy not pictured, he was hauling bags).

WHAT TO BRING FOR BABY:

Passport and Birth Certificate. Some airlines will require a birth certificate for your baby. Check with them before you fly to make sure. We brought ours just in case. If you are travelling internationally do not forget your babies passport.

Nappy Bag. I used a back pack for this trip, which was good- but I feel like I can do better. I'm on the hunt for the most perfect bag for when we make our trip home. I want something with more compartments and something that I am not going to have to dig or empty out to find anything.

Wipes. You cannot have to many. Trust me.

Nappies. My husband and I carried 8 nappies each. This was more than enough, but I wanted to be more safe than sorry.

Changing mat. The bathrooms on board are fitted with change tables. I'm a huge germ-a-phone, no way was my babies bottom going onto one of those things without a change mat.

Nappy rash cream. 

Change of clothes. Because we were going from a seriously hot summer to a seriously cold winter a brought two changes of clothes for Andrew. One change for inflight and one for when we landed (that was warmer gear for our transition in Heathrow) I was really glad that I did that because we ended up having to catch a bus out to get our hire car and it was SO COLD. Andrew was bundled up really well. I put both sets of clothes into a zip lock bag and labelled them "on flight" and "London". It just made it easy to grab what we needed when we needed it. No digging. I am a big fan of being organised, it's how I function. The less stress the better for me. I like to know where everything is at all times.

Blanket. I brought Andrew's favourite blanket. It made sleeping on the plane a little more familiar and was very handy upon arrival. I also packed a thick blanket in our carry on for when we arrived in London. This one was stowed overhead.

Dummy and clip. If your little one uses a dummy, pack this- and make sure you pack a clip. That thing is going to be spat out at some point, you do not want to loose it mid flight. And if you are extra OCD like me, you will pack a spare that is kept in your overhead carry on luggage.

Formula. I have just stopped breast feeding Andrew (although he occasionally wakes for a night time feed, but that is more for comfort than anything else). I knew we wouldn't be breast feeding in the flight, so I packed enough for 6 feeds. I used a little formula container that separates the individual feeds. I took three bottles in my carry on and Alex took three in his. No water though, you will have to get that after you have been through customs. It was a little more than what we needed but it all got used. Although Andrew was down for food on the flight, the didn't have any for him. I've learn't for the trip back home.

Baby food and snacks. I'm all about the pouches. You don't need a spoon or a bowl and your baby can just get that pouch and suck away! I packed much more than we needed, but it worked out well because like I said, Andrew didn't get any food during the flight- it was also handy to have a couple of food items he was familiar with upon landing as well.

Water bottle. This will need to be empty at security. You can fill it once you get past that point.

Toys. Lots and lots of toys. Pack toys your baby hasn't seen yet as well as some old favourites. One of the best things we packed for Andrew was a little hand puppet affectionately named "Charlie". He loved interacting with that thing! We also packed lots of books.

WHAT TO BRING FOR MUM:

A separate bag for yourself.  I like to do this because A) I can and B) It's just nice to keep things separate from all the baby gear you are hauling around.

Snap lock bags. Because things get messy and there is nothing like hauling messy things into snap lock bags. You know you can deal with it later, and you know nothing else is getting soiled.


Wallet, ID and Passport. A given, but important. Don't forget these.

Change of clothes.  This is really dependant on how far you are travelling. I was glad that I did. It's a personal choice.

Laptop. 

Snacks. I actually completely forgot about this and was so sad about it! I have the worst tummy ever and the food on the first flight just made me sick! What I would have given for a muesli bar. Next time I will not forget!

OTHER TRAVEL TIPS:

Fly the best flight class you can afford. This isn't something I would really worry about it I was travelling alone, or if I wasn't making such a long haul flight. But now that we've travelled with a kid I see where the benefit it. We will be using our points to upgrade on the trip back home. No questions.

Flight lounges are worth it. Again, not something I am to particular about when travelling alone- but babies are a game changer. The beauty of a flight lounge is that you know you are in a safe place, food is provided. There are showers and bathrooms and your baby can safely roam free. Check with where you are planning on entering a flight lounge with your baby. Some places let them in free with you. In our case the flight lounge in Dubai required us to purchase a membership for Andrew. Not going to lie, it was pricey- but the best money we spent on that trip over. Again, it is a personal choice.

Go with the flow. No way are you going to be able to keep to any kind of schedule with your baby. Our parenting mantra has always been "calm parents, calm baby". This is especially true when flying. It's a potentially stressful situation (especially if you have ego tripping ladies on the check in counter, that's another story for another time). But, if you can keep your wits about you and just take it all in your stride you will all be better off for it. It was a fantastic experience for us as a couple. I had forgotten what a well oiled machine my husband and I really are- it was great to be reminded of that. Work as a team and enjoy the ride. Exciting things await you!

Thanks for reading!

xox

right here, right now

I've been a mother for 9 months, three weeks and four days.

This is my first gig as a parent. Some days I feel like I'm all over it, nothing phases me and I walk around feeling like super woman. Some days it's more of a close-your-eyes-and-hope-for-the-best kind of a scenario. I google. I read parenting books. I talk to my mummy and daddy friends. I ask my parents questions. I mull over things with my husband and partner in crime. I find a lot of security in the notion that it really does take a village and that we are "all in this together".

During this time the thing that has surprised me the most is just how much my son teaches me, on the daily. He has such a way of drawing me in and helping me to focus on the "now". My son is completely present in everything that he does. When I join him in being "all there" amazing things happen.

Being completely present is not something I've ever really been great at. I'm of the distracted kind and always thinking of everything I need to get done. That's changed a lot for me since becoming a mother.

I'm not just talking putting your phone down, turning off the TV, getting off the computer blah-blah-blah. We know all of that stuff. We hear it all the time. 

I'm talking real soul to soul connection. Real growth. Real communication. Real love.

For me- when I am able to authentically connect I find that I become my true self. Dare I say the version of myself I hope to always be. I find that I'm able to trust myself and believe in my abilities as a mother, as a human being.

That soul to soul connection changes things. Everything calms right down. Time does seem to stand still. I love with my whole heart, laugh with genuine enthusiasm, teach with true intent.

I promised God I'd never take this mothering role for granted. I thank my son daily for showing me how to do it. For giving me more than I feel I could ever give him.

This journey is filled with so many moments and so many memories. 

My hope is to always be present enoughto be able to say: "my favourite moment is right here, right now."

being a woman, raising a man

Photo credit: Nicole Viljoen Photography

The moment I found out I was going to be a mother to a little boy, my thoughts were immediately drawn to what kind of woman he would grow up watching me be. There's nothing like becoming a parent to cause a little self evaluation, right?

I remember speaking with my husband shortly afterwards and saying "we are raising him to be a man, not a boy." Which brings me back to my original thought- what kind of woman will I allow him to watch me be? Would I be the kind of woman that stands up for herself, or would intake the foil "for the greater good". Would I be a girl in a whirl, or would I make the conscious decision to be present? Would I allow myself to do what I need to do for myself and my family, or would I travel down the road of people pleasing that I know I am already to familiar with? Would I really trust in God's plan, or would I let anxiety get the better of me? So many questions ran through my mind.

This thought process started, because I know all to well that my son will learn to love women and he will learn how to treat them through both myself and my husband. I can't speak for my husband, but I know that he is treading a similar path to me and that he is dedicated to setting an example for our son. One of respect and honour when it comes to women. From me, I know he will be watching what I accept to be standard when it comes to being a woman. I know that I will be setting the tone for future relationships for my son, and that starts now.

Then I thought about what it means to be a woman in the 2000's. We are strong. We are educated. We are independent. We are creative. We are loyal. We are competitive. We are loyal, faithful and trusting. We are mothers. We are daughters. We are sisters.  We are beautiful. We are loving. We are kind. We are opinionated. We are informed. We are diverse. We are vivacious. We are powerful. We are so many things. Things that are good.

Then I thought about the fact that we live in a world where women are raped. Where domestic violence is an epidemic that no one wants to talk about. Where the wolf whistle is still accepted as a positive form of attention. Where a woman's dignity is always in question. Sex trafficking, pornography, strip clubs and sexual exploitation are still making money, and a lot of it. Why? Why are we still accepting of these things as a culture? Why do men think they can cheat? Why is it still ok for men to speak about a woman's appearance right in front of her? Why do women accept that as a form of flirting? And women, why are so many of us still trying to drag each other down? Enough of the gossip. It's 2015. I mean, really? Why is the objectification of women still a "thing"?

I'm a mother, and I'm raising a man.

I want him to know that women weren't put here on this earth to "look after the men". I want him to know that when he looks at a woman he sees a person who is every bit as capable as he is. I want him to know that women are powerful beings. They give birth and are raising up the world. I want to teach him to not just bring her flowers, but to empower her. Don't just give her a diamond ring, cherish her. I want to him to know that if he really wants to give her the world, he needs to respect her. And I mean really respect her. I think there is a lot of reverence in truly respecting someone. To me, it's one of the highest forms of love we can give to one another. When we give and receive respect we create a safe place in which we can thrive. Women need to thrive. I need to teach my son not to be intimidated by that.

I want my son to see, hear and believe that I am never apologetic about the fact that I am a woman. 

God didn't intend for me to be that way.