being a woman, raising a man

Photo credit: Nicole Viljoen Photography

The moment I found out I was going to be a mother to a little boy, my thoughts were immediately drawn to what kind of woman he would grow up watching me be. There's nothing like becoming a parent to cause a little self evaluation, right?

I remember speaking with my husband shortly afterwards and saying "we are raising him to be a man, not a boy." Which brings me back to my original thought- what kind of woman will I allow him to watch me be? Would I be the kind of woman that stands up for herself, or would intake the foil "for the greater good". Would I be a girl in a whirl, or would I make the conscious decision to be present? Would I allow myself to do what I need to do for myself and my family, or would I travel down the road of people pleasing that I know I am already to familiar with? Would I really trust in God's plan, or would I let anxiety get the better of me? So many questions ran through my mind.

This thought process started, because I know all to well that my son will learn to love women and he will learn how to treat them through both myself and my husband. I can't speak for my husband, but I know that he is treading a similar path to me and that he is dedicated to setting an example for our son. One of respect and honour when it comes to women. From me, I know he will be watching what I accept to be standard when it comes to being a woman. I know that I will be setting the tone for future relationships for my son, and that starts now.

Then I thought about what it means to be a woman in the 2000's. We are strong. We are educated. We are independent. We are creative. We are loyal. We are competitive. We are loyal, faithful and trusting. We are mothers. We are daughters. We are sisters.  We are beautiful. We are loving. We are kind. We are opinionated. We are informed. We are diverse. We are vivacious. We are powerful. We are so many things. Things that are good.

Then I thought about the fact that we live in a world where women are raped. Where domestic violence is an epidemic that no one wants to talk about. Where the wolf whistle is still accepted as a positive form of attention. Where a woman's dignity is always in question. Sex trafficking, pornography, strip clubs and sexual exploitation are still making money, and a lot of it. Why? Why are we still accepting of these things as a culture? Why do men think they can cheat? Why is it still ok for men to speak about a woman's appearance right in front of her? Why do women accept that as a form of flirting? And women, why are so many of us still trying to drag each other down? Enough of the gossip. It's 2015. I mean, really? Why is the objectification of women still a "thing"?

I'm a mother, and I'm raising a man.

I want him to know that women weren't put here on this earth to "look after the men". I want him to know that when he looks at a woman he sees a person who is every bit as capable as he is. I want him to know that women are powerful beings. They give birth and are raising up the world. I want to teach him to not just bring her flowers, but to empower her. Don't just give her a diamond ring, cherish her. I want to him to know that if he really wants to give her the world, he needs to respect her. And I mean really respect her. I think there is a lot of reverence in truly respecting someone. To me, it's one of the highest forms of love we can give to one another. When we give and receive respect we create a safe place in which we can thrive. Women need to thrive. I need to teach my son not to be intimidated by that.

I want my son to see, hear and believe that I am never apologetic about the fact that I am a woman. 

God didn't intend for me to be that way.