Making the Toddler Co-sleeping Transition

Before I got pregnant, I had all of these preconceived notions as to what sort of parent I was going to be. Dreams of being this textbook mother that did everything to the letter, living in a motherhood world where my perfectionism could run riot. Turns out, that's actually not my parenting style. Not even in the slightest. Funny how things can change so quickly, especially when thrown in the thick of it. I love how this parenthood gig shines a very bright light on what kind of person we actually are, instead of being wrapped up in all of our ideals. Standing in that parenthood spotlight, I'm actually not much of a perfectionist, and as it turns out- I'm quite the earth mother. Who knew?

Initially I had not planned on co-sleeping. In fact the whole notion sort of scared me a little bit (enter the perfectionist textbook dream). I also tended to back away from the idea because of that big "controversial" word that often accompanied the idea of co-sleeping. Before I go on any further, I need to point out that this is a mummy shaming free zone. I believe that everyone needs to do what is right for them and their family without any judgement. Enough said.

For reasons that worked for us, co-sleeping evolved organically. I felt completely comfortable with it because for me it was a very natural thing to do. We did the research and made sure that we had a safe co-sleeping environment and we ran with it. Everyone in my household got better sleep, which was our main priority. That being said, this little set up of ours is not for everyone, and that is completely fine. Power to you Mumma's! Do what you need to do.

For 20 months we shared a family bed, until this arrangement just did not prove practical anymore. I read on a social media platform the other day that sleeping with a toddler is like sleeping with a drunk octopus trying to find its car keys. On all accounts, that little sentence is so very true. We knew it was time to transition into separate beds when we got home to Australia. We planned for it and had a strategic method of going about it, and it has worked a treat. We were probably ready to make the change at around 15 months, but because of our temporary stint in the UK we decided to wait until we were back home and had more stability going on in our lives.

For those who are co-sleepers out there and may find themselves in a similar boat I thought I would share with you the steps we took to make the transition a peaceful and enjoyable one.

1. Set up your child's bedroom together: Involve everyone in your household. There are a few rules to follow- all persons involved must be overly happy about this, and all persons involved must act like this new bedroom is the coolest place on the planet. Make the room happy and fun as well as peaceful. A place where your child likes to spend time both awake and asleep. This is going to be their space and their little haven.

2. Make the big person bed a really big deal: Just like setting up the room, everyone must behave like there is no other bed like this in the world. There must be lots of positive reinforcement about the sheets, the pillows, the duvet, the mattress.... everything. You can all take turns lying in it and talking about how great the bed is. Anything you can do to make it appealing to your child, do that.

3. The transition must be peaceful: This is a different transition to those who have been sleeping in a cot before they move into their big person bed. For the child who has been co-sleeping they will need to learn a new way to self soothe. For us, we have a bedtime routine that we try our hardest not to stray from. It looks like this:

6:00pm- bath
6:30pm- stories and bottle
6:40pm- quiet family play time outside of the bedroom
6:55pm- brushing of teeth
7:00pm- bedtime

It's at that seven o'clock mark that we move into my sons room and say a family prayer. We tuck "monkey" into bed by giving him kisses and telling him he is a good monkey. Every time my son sees us tucking in "monkey" he wants in on this sleep time action. Kids love positive reinforcement. After we tuck in his soft toy we kiss my son goodnight and he climbs on into bed. We let him stay there by himself and exit the room without making a big deal. No fuss, no last minute praises, no more engaging- just go. Most nights he gets to sleep by himself. In the early days on the transition he was a little unsure about it. In those moments I would silently sit next to him and we would hold hands or I'd rub his back until he was drowsy, but would leave before he was 100% asleep. That way he could do the last little part on his own and learn the art of falling asleep.

4. Silence is golden: There is a large possibility that your child will be in and out of bed during this learning period. They most likely think that this is a fun new game because it is all new. The tactic we have employed to deal with this is a silent one. Obviously, if your child is losing their business, do what you need to in order to restore calm. We don't have a cryer or a screamer (unless something is very wrong or he is extremely unsettled) we do however, have a very cheeky little boy who likes to test the boundaries. When my son appears outside of his bed we gently and silently take him back and put him to bed, without saying anything. This is imperative. Everything outside of his bedroom must appear completely boring- it's important that we don't engage in a way that he thinks he can be awake or out of his bed. The first few nights he would bolt right out of his room. He's learnt now that he can just stand at his door if he's needing help finding his sleepy spot and we will take him back. He usually just needs a gentle pat or a little hug and then he is right back into trying to fall asleep. Children are amazing with their ability to adapt and learn and new routine.

5. Consistency and time: Sticking with your new routine and not wavering is your best attack. Trust me on this one. We blocked out the time in our calendar so we could stick with the routine. We let family and friends know that this is what we were doing and that was that. Additionally, taking the time with no interruptions to the new sleeping expectations makes the transition much less confusing for your little one. Once they get the hang of the new routine and learn what the new expectation is, sleep time will be peaceful time for all of you- however, you have to put in the time to make it work. That may be a few days, it may be a few months. My advice is take as much time as you and your child need to make it work. We are still getting the hang of it over here and we have been at it for almost 10 days. Every night I notice a significant change in my son and I know that he is "getting it" and enjoying the process of learning to fall asleep in his big boy bed, and stay there.

I wish my fellow co-sleeping families all the best with their transitioning period. Enjoy the journey... our little people are amazing!