We are one week into a two month stint which has our husband/ Daddy away from us for the majority of the time. He will be stopping back every now and then and we have the added bonus of having Easter and Anzac Day holidays during this time period.
While my husband and I are not strangers to this travel and work away gig, our little man is, and I've got to tell you that this first week has been extremely tough on him (and us as parents seeing him struggle). He's old enough now to notice when things are different and change is something that takes a little getting used to.
Here are five things we have been doing this week that have really helped in navigating our way through parenting a toddler:
1. Talk about it a lot: Anytime my son asks me where Daddy is I tell him exactly what he is up to and exactly when he will be coming home. We talk about the plane and the hotel that Daddy is staying at. The taxi rides he takes, the companies he is auditing. What he ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Every detail I can give him, I do. He takes a minute to think about it and then he is generally ok with that. Making video contact with each other every day has been so important for us all to communicate with each other and remain "close" to what is happening in each others lives. It makes our toddler feel very safe and secure.
2. Keep busy with fun things: We tend to get out of the house quite a lot and I've made an effort to keep that up while my husband is away. We try and do something everyday that is fun and memorable. Whether it is swimming lessons, going to music, meeting up with friends, playing at the gym creche while mummy gets in a little break or going to the park- we make sure that we get out and we talk about it for the rest of the day. My toddler loves it when we make plans for the next day right before we go to bed. He loves to think about things. He also really enjoys reporting to Daddy all the things that we have been up to in his absence.
3. Do a little bit often: Because I don't have my husband around to help me pick up the slack I take 10 minute "blasts" here and there to do odd jobs. It's worked really well in keeping things like dishes and laundry from piling up, thus minimising my stress, and right now that is a really good thing. It's no secret that if Mum is stressed and not happy, no one else is! You're kids will be secretly thanking you for doing whatever helps manage those stress levels! It's better for everyone.
4. Be prepared for the upheaval: Don't take is personally or get upset when your child is taking out their frustration and confusion on you. They might just need a day to get over things and need a lot of hugs and crying sessions and that is absolutely fine. There will a a few things that are quite uncharacteristic to your child, but it's just their way of working through things and dealing with their worries. Don't get stressed about it, just stop and roll with it. Also be prepared for the fact that while you don't resent your partner there will be moments when you resent the situation.
5. Find your support people and use them: There is no shame in admitting that it takes a village. My village is not particularly large, but it is fine tuned and very understanding of me and my little family. The people in it get me and I honestly don't know how I got so lucky to have them all in it! They also know that I generally will not ask for anything, so they are on top of checking in. However, that being said- I am getting better at reaching out and I am feeling so much more grounded for it. Can I get a hallelujah?!
It's also really important to remember that you can do it. Everything is temporary and this too shall pass. Time is always moving, so make the most of the situation and have some fun together in the meantime. Embrace the different way you get to make memories and enjoy it.
Choose happy!
Photo credit: Pikaboo Photography by Kathy Stabler
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