Dear Boobs,
It's been a little over 3 months since we last breastfed our little hero. Can I be the first to say how impressed I am with you? Because I honestly think it is amazing that you and I got to do this whole breastfeeding gig in the first place.
For starters there was the whole infertility thing. Eight years of it, and that was not fun. It did feel like being well endowed for those 8 years may have been a bit of a waste. I'm sorry for being quite rude to you and shoving you into minimising bras, wishing your very existence away. I wasn't the nicest during that period. But we stuck in there, and we did eventually get ourselves a baby- he was so worth the wait. Pregnancy was hard for us... really hard. You were amazing, getting straight to work on that milk supply. Thanks for that. I was a little busy being violently ill and trying my hardest to actually stay pregnant. It was good to know that you would just take care of things in the milk flow department, no matter how I was feeling. Kudos to you.
Then there was the fact that we had a tiny little premie baby. He was so perfect, wasn't he? We both got to cuddle him at the same time, remember that? It was the best. Remember how tired he would get trying to feed? He just wanted to sleep the whole time. Oh, and then there was the latching issue- my goodness, we almost quit altogether. Remember the nurses saying "he probably will just need to be on the bottle". Remember how our hearts broke and we cried and cried. But then.... then we were introduced a lactation specialist and to nipple shields. My goodness, how happy was that day? So many celebratory high fives! Our little premie baby could get onto those with no problems and he could chug away. He was so little back then, our feeds would take such a long time. Mostly because he would get so tired feeding and crash out. Remember trying to keep him awake to feed in the hospital so that he would reach his growth goals? We would play him music, tickle his feet, sometimes we would have to rub his little face gently with a damp flannel to keep him interested in us. We were so obsessed with weight gain for those first six weeks- he needed all the fat on his little body he could get. Remember the nursing staff that wanted to take him away from us and put him on the tubes? I don't know about you, but I am eternally grateful for those two midwives that stuck by us and said "No, we can do this" and together we did. There were a lot of people interested in getting that little boy to feed back then! We spent a lot of time bare chested with those amazing angels of women coaching us through it all. I listened to audio books and music while you did all the hard work. You never complained. You just did what we needed you to do. You kept up with the good stuff until the little man met all of his weight goals and he became a pro at latching onto you without the nipple shields. I felt like such a successful team.
Thank you for those early days. Thank you for not quitting. Thank you for all those months of being my little boys primary food source. Thank you for keeping him alive. ALIVE. That is all kinds of amazing. We got to breast feed this wonderful little person for 19 months- that is not a small feat. I'm impressed. He was into other things too by the end, like vegemite sandwiches and pizza rolls. But he didn't want to loose us until he was ready, always coming back and asking for some of Mummy's milk. Which we happily provided. I was in two minds about stopping breastfeeding. I knew that it would eventually come around and that he would loose interest in you, but I couldn't decide if I was looking forward to it or if I was dreading it. Turns out I was somewhere in the middle. I do love having some independence back, but I do miss those feeds and the closeness we all felt in those moment. So very special.
I just wanted to thank you for all the memories. I'm so deeply grateful for the journey that we were able to take together and I will forever be in awe of what the female body is capable of. Thank you for being a part of my motherhood story. I will never resent you again, instead I will offer up gratitude for the amazing things that you are capable of and I will smile. It's been everything I hoped it would be. Now we are breastfeeding veterans. I think we are both happy with that.
With much love and appreciation,
Kelly xox
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