The "F" Word

Last night my little boy needed me. He was in the most pain he's ever been in with his teeth coming through. He looked at me with those big blue eyes, flooded with tears and as we made contact he flashed me a smile. I love that he always tries to be happy, even when he is sad and in pain. 

Then I got thinking about a time in my life that feels like so long ago, but it wasn't. A time when I was sad and in pain and I tried so hard to be happy. A time when I thought I would never have a tough night like the one we just had. A time when I thought we wouldn't ever be a family of three. 

I want to talk for a minute about the "F" word. Fertility. Or rather the lack thereof. It's a personal and private journey, and no two cases ever seem to be the same. It's an emotional roller coaster that no one ever really wants to ride, but sometimes the option to back away from what life throws at you just isn't there. It's a hard thing to cope with. A hard thing to bare. A hard thing to smile through. I remember all to well putting on a brave face when out in the world and falling apart as soon as I stepped inside our house. Exhausted from batting questions and dodging the most ridiculous advice. My husband would put me back together then, and we'd face another day. Together, and with God. 

Every journey is different. Unique. I get that. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that drinking wheat grass while standing on your head and crossing your fingers will solve your fertility problems. I'm not going to tell you that just because one person got pregnant a certain way you will to. I'm not going to tell you to adopt. I'm not going to ask you if "you're doing it right". I'm not going to hand you my child and pretend that will make you feel better. I'm not even going to say "it will happen, just relax". I know what all those things sound like to a couple that is struggling with infertility. It sounds like another ugly "F" word- failure. 

What I am going to tell you is this. You are not a failure. You are strong. You are loveable. You are capable. You are whole, even when you feel incomplete. You are loved by God, more than you will ever know. You are powerful. You have a level of understanding and empathy that perhaps you may not have acquired any other way. You are amazing. You are resilient. You are incredible. You are made of the tough stuff. You are beautiful inside and out. You are good. You are doing a hard thing and I am sending you my love and offering up my prayers for you. 

"Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven... It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.” ― Jeffrey R. Holland

Believe in good things to come. Believe and trust in your journey. 

It's with deep gratitude in my heart that I write these things today. My intention is to lift and to send out love. May your journey be light and may your heart and head be lifted.

I'm cheering for you.